A Father’s Take on Meaning of Home
Aleena, you are now 5. Yara, you are 3. You both have started to take a keen interest in music. Aleena, you are taking piano classes and Yara, you keep belting out Spanish songs you learn at daycare. You both love dancing to these:
Aleena and Yara, I want to introduce you to your sister, Lila. Love her like you love each other. Respect Uncle Suraj and Auntie Lindsay the same way you respect your Mommy and I. They love you as much as we love you. Make sure you treat them like family.
Going forward, these letters will be written to the three of you — Aleena, Lila, and Yara.
My dear Aleena, Lila, and Yara,
I want to talk to you about home. You will hear many people say many times, “Home is where the heart is.” Home is more than that.
Your life will be full of ups and downs. These experiences will make you stronger and in general, a better person. Having a support system will help you to get through these situations. Home is made up of the people and places who provide this support system to you.
“Home” will help you get through the bad times. It will help you realize that things will get better soon. It will also ground you at great times, helping you to not lose control and get carried away.
When finding your home (people and places), focus on the following:
- They will have your best interest in mind.
- They will be honest with you, no matter how difficult it maybe for you to hear.
- They will be there when times are hardest.
- They will encourage you and inspire you to be the best version of yourself.
- They will give you calm and peace, even if other parts of life seem chaotic.
The Theory
Our lives have highs and lows. The “High events” make us feel happy and excited while the “Low events” can hurt us and make us feel sad. The series of events look something like this:
As humans, we will have emotional responses to these events:
The chart above shows emotional responses following highs and lows. There exists a region where things are not quite as extreme. It is where the lows don’t feel quite as bad and the highs are not too high. I call it the Region of Contentment.
Your “home” will keep you in the Region of Contentment and lessen the time in the extremes:
With time, you will trust your home more and lean on it for support and encouragement. You won’t avoid the extremes, but, you will be able to better cope with them. You will be able to overcome the downs and not get carried away by the ups.
The practice
I want to be your first call. I will be your biggest cheerleader. I will be the shoulder you can cry on. I will encourage you when things are not going so well and I will watch you soar to great heights. I will support you, but, I will also discipline you, when needed. I will keep an open mind and not judge, but, I will always challenge you. I am sure I will fail from time to time. But, I will never stop trying.
Here’s to finding our home…
Love,
Bazaan / Uncle Adnan
